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Tema: Zadeve za smejat se (Število ogledov: 22845 )
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incognito
Administrator
Kul meter: 14
Spol: 
Sporočila: 190
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RDEČA KAPICA PO PROGRAMERSKO
Živela je 01h ena majhna deklica, ki je po defaultu nosila na glavi AddOn z barvno kodo 12. Zaradi tega je bila v vseh sistemih prepoznavna z aliasom "Red Cap" oz. ID "RC". RC"s $HOME je bila hiša njenih staršev. Tako je nekega dne dobila Move ukaz Shell poln osvezilne opreme v $HOME njenih ParentParentID.
Dala je torej Bandsalad, Mouse, Apple, en kup Sauce Code, SoftICE in ostali Junk Food v Shell in se disconnect-ala. Njen ParentID ji je dal še Warning: "Delaj z ErrorCorrection, moj ChildID, routing te vodi skozi passtrough tree collection, ki je zelo nevarna. Crash Shell pri tvoji ParentParentID, in disable Error iti levo ali desno od routing-a. In vzemi prosim se BackBoone za FIDO, OK?".
RC je potrdila z ErrorLevel 0 in se disconnect-ala. Ravno, ko je hotela skozi tree passtrough, se je nenadoma pred njo pojavil Carrier z ID "WOLF". Vse se je zgodilo tako hitro, da RC connect-a ni mogla več preprečiti. WOLF je RC takoj seznanil s svojim *"C" in je bil v celoti sprogramiran za hacking RC"s CRC, da bi jo disable-al in jo Lock-al na oddaljen Bitmap.
A RC se je na sreco nahajala v Protected Mode in je takoj postavila ErrorLevel 100: "Acess denied, WOLF". RC je še dodala reply: "Svojim ParentParentID moram Crash ta Shell poln osvezilne opreme in nimam nobenih SubRouting privilegijev". Zatem je končala pogajanje z ALT-H in nadaljevala svoj Routing.
WOLF je medtem začutil ogromno pomanjkanje na Inputu in brez obotavljanja si je priskrbel Trojan-a. Uporabil je nek nedopuščen Carrier in je bil tako neprimerno hitreje pri $HOME RC"s rentParentID, kot RC.
Takoj se je lotil hack-anja Accounta. ParentParentID je imela namreč inštalirana vrata v svojem $HOME, ki so bila zaščitena z geslom.
"Enter your ID and Password, please !" je prevzel od znotraj. "RC, Osvežilna oprema", je zaklical z Patch-anim glasom. ParentParentID se je počutila kot v GURU"S HEAVEN, ker se je njena ChildChildID zopet connect-ala z njo in je tako čisto pozabila na previdnost pred "Trojan Wolfes". Kakor hitro je WOLF dobil Access, je disable-al
ParentParentID in jo preusmeril v svoj Input. Potem je skopiral še lupino in se postavil v StandBy.
Nekaj enot pozneje je prišla še RC in se logirala. $HOME ParentParentID se je zdel nespremenjen, čeprav se ji je zdel Owner nekako FAKE. "ParentParentID, zakaj imaš tako dolg mrežni kabel ?" je vprašala. "Da lahko boljše chat-am v kopalnici", je dejal WOLF.
"ParentParentID, zakaj imaš tako velike diske?" "Da lahko boljše download-am!"
"ParentParentID, zakaj imaš tako velike tipke?" "Da lahko boljše Delet-am!"
S temi besedami jump-ne WOLF na RC in jo preusmeri v svoj Input. Nakar se je počutil zelo buggy, kot po 10-urnem chat-u in je takoj switch-al v Sleep Mode.
Malo pozneje je prišel prijateljski Antivirus iz bližnje omrežne soseščine in je videl, da je $HOME ParentParentID down. Ker je njen
sistem doslej deloval stabilno, se je odločil, da bo $HOME iz previdnosti malo poskeniral. Že pri prvem pregledu map $HOME je našel WOLF-a s prekopirano lupino ParentParendID v Sleep Mode in ID-ji kot Input-om. "FATAL ERROR, SYSTEM HALTED!", si je mislil AntiVirus, "In to prav danes, ko mi je mislila skopirati Hero"s Quest XII :-(".
V tem trenutku je slišal glasove iz WOLF-ovega High-RAM-a:
"12h?" - "Ja!"
"14h?" - "Ja!"
"16h?" - "Ja!"
"17h?" - "Ja!"
"1Bh, 1Eh?"
"Limit overflow!"
"Aha !", si je mislil AntiVirus, "Igrajo virtualni Skat! WOLF-ov BIOS se zdi prav hroščat. Mogoče jih lahko še undelete-am. Priključil se je na WOLF-a in previdno naredil cut malo nad Boot sektorjem. "Brez 03h, play 04h, Cache 05h, Cut 06h, V* do 07h, Announce 08h, Loose 10h, again 20h, Spread! " in je prevzel iz HOLE v WOLF-u. "Connect!", je pozdravil obe: "Kako so kaj vajine nastavitve?". "Thanx za Bonus-Life!" reply ParentParentID in RC append-a:
"Na tesno je šlo, bolj kot sem si mislila; na tem Level-u nisva imeli več življenj, ey".
Da bi ostal Patch na WOLF-u kar se da skrit, je Antivirus še malo editiral WOLFA: inštaliral mu je STONED-Virus, ki izvrstno simulira težo kamenja. Potem ga je zopet close-al.
Ko se je WOLF hitro zatem switch-al v "active", je BootStrapping trajal skoraj dvakrat dlje, kot ponavadi. "Uf, sem stoned", je zamrmral WOLF, ko se je končno zBoot-al. "Ti ID-ji me delajo čisto
Buggy!". "Nujno moram na Performance Tunning", si je mislil in Quit-al, da bi si priskrbel nekaj svežih Byte-ov. Komajda se je odlogiral, že je opazil Warning: "Critical water level!". Jump-nil je do potoka, da bi Leech-al malo vode. To je bil pa natanko tisti Condition, na katerega je čakal STONED-Virus. Neusmiljeno je sprožil ogromno Stone-Simulation. Z več kot 2000cps je download-al WOLF-a po potoku.
ParentParentID, RC in AntiVirus so pripravili praznovanje v obliki Multiline-Chat in če še niso Deleted, chat-ajo še danes.
In nauk zgodbe?
ŽIVLJENJE JE ENA NAVADNA BREZVEZNA AVANTURA!
... AMPAK GRAFIKA JE PA VRHUNSKA!!!
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Think before you think!
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D3U5
Četrtovček
Kul meter: 23
Spol:
Sporočila: 173
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 ti si mi psiho  cak se jz ena po "geekovsko" Upam d ne bo predolgo:
L0rd of teh Ringz0r
L0rd of teh Ringz0r
F3ll0wsh1p of teh R1ng
[At Bilbo's 111th Birthday]
Merry: "Omg, I pwn"
Pippin: "Sif, I pwn"
**Rocket goes off
Gandalf: "Pwned!"
Bilbo: "This = shiz, bai foos"
Bilbo has left the server
Frodo: "***!?"
[later, in Bag End]
Gandalf: "Give teh ringz0r to Frodo"
Bilbo: "Sif! It r precious!"
Gandalf: "STFU NOOB!!!"
Bilbo: "ok"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Bilbo has been kicked from The Shire
**Later
Gandalf: "Show me teh ring, foo!"
**Gandalf rides out, does some research, comes back
Gandalf: "OMGZ, it R teh ring!"
Frodo: "***?"
Gandalf has logged on as admin
Frodo has been kicked from The Shire
Sam has been kicked from The Shire
[At Isengard]
Gandalf: "sup dawg, i r g4nd4lf da gr3y!"
Saruman: "Foo! U R teh noob!"
Gandalf: "***?!"
Saruman: "Sauron pwns joo!"
Gandalf: "Sif, I R leet"
**Sarumon beats the **** out of Gandalf
Saruman: "Pwned!"
[on the road to Bree]
Merry: "look foos, shrooms!"
Pippin: "Woot! Shrooms!"
Frodo: "Ph34r!"
Sam: "Shrooms!"
Frodo: "PH34R!1!1"
**black rider stops, sniffs, goes past
Frodo: "OMG, packetloss!"
[Bree, in the Inn of the Prancing Pony]
**Frodo is drinking and dancing on a table, then slips
Frodo has left the server
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "OMGz, dc'd"
Aragorn: "OMG, noobz"
[at Weathertop]
Merry: "Mmm, shrooms!"
**MERRY IS BROADCASTING HIS IP ADDRESS!!!
Frodo: "Foos! Ph34r teh haxorz"
**the black riders attack
Merry: "OMG!!!"
Sam: "O.M.G!!!11"
Pippin: "***"
Frodo has left the server
**head nazgul stabs Frodo's ghost
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "***... hax!"
**Aragorn lraps into the fray with a flaming brand
Aragorn: "PH34r!!!!!!"
Merry: "LOLOL flamed! "
[on the road to Rivendell]
Aragorn: "ZOMG!Arwen!"
**Arwen rides up
Aragorn: "A/S/L? Wanna net secks?"
Arwen: "Sif! *** is up with Frodo?"
Sam: "Teh leet Hax0r "
Arwen: "Firewall?"
**Arwen rides off with Frodo, the nazgul give chase. Arwen crosses the ford at Rivendell.
Arwen: "PH34R!! My dad pwns urs!"
**nazgul start to cross
Arwen: "LOLOLOLO noobs!!1!"
**the ford rises up and washes the nazgul away
Warning: Connection Problems Detected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
nazgul has disconnected
Arwen: "Pwnt"
[at the Council of Elrond]
Gimli: "dwarves pwn!"
Legolas: "Sif, Elves pwn!"
Boromir: "OLOLOL noobs, men pwn!"
Elrond: "STFU tards!!1!"
**Frodo puts the ring on the plinth
Gimili: "Sif ring pwns all!"
**Gimli swings his axe at it, which shatters
Elrond: "**sigh, noob"
[Frodo meets up with Bilbo]
Bilbo: "OLOL, me = 10th level thief!"
Frodo: "OMG, u r teh pwn!"
Bilbo: "Do u still have teh ringz0r?"
**Frodo shows Bilbo the One Ring
Bilbo: "OMG u tard, I want to TK you!"
Frodo: "sif!"
Bilbo: "ph34r my mithril"
[The Fellowship leaves Rivendell]
**Gandalf leads the fellowship through the mountains
Legolas: "ZOMG, leet gfx!"
Gimli: "I R dropping frames! FFS"
**There's an avalanche which threatens to knock them off the shelf
Gimli: "Gandalf, teh draw distance is too far!1!!1"
Gandalf: "**Sigh. Moria?"
Gimli votes to change map to Moria
Votes 4 of 4 required
Legolas: "lolol Gimli, time to upgrade!"
[The fellowship approaches the gates of Moria]
Gandalf: "FFS, its too hard! Anyone got a walkthrough?"
**The gates of Mordor open, but the Guardian attacks!
Frodo: "OMG! ph34r!"
Boromir: "GL HF"
Aragorn [broadsword] guardian
Legolas [arrow] guardian
Gandalf: "gg"
[The fellowship enters the mines of Moria]
Gimli: "OMG!!!! PWNED!"
**After travelling some time in the dark the Fellowship come to a chamber with a large well
Gandalf: "Teh bookz0r has some clues!"
**Merry knocks a skeleton in armour down the well
Gandalf: "OMG! noob!"
Merry: "d'oh"
**The fellowship hears the ork drums
Boromir: "***?"
Aragorn: "***?"
Frodo: "..."
Gandalf: "Oh ffs >.<"
**the fellowhip shores up the doors as the orks come
Boromir: "TEAMS FFS!"
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Aragorn [broadsword] ork
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
ork: "OMG! h4x!"
Gimli: "pwned"!
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas: "lol!!"
Boromir [broadsword] ork
Gimli [axe] ork
Gimli: "Foos!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "ffs, wallhax!"
**The cavetroll enters the chambers destroying the doors
Gandalf: "Oh ffs!"
Boromir: "Omg, its teh boss!"
Aragorn: "Sif noob, we're not at teh end yet!"
**Cavetroll slams Boromir and Aragorn out of the way, and then skewers Frodo
Sam: "OMG!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
Aragorn: "omg, pwn!"
**Legolas jumps on the cavetroll and shoots arrows down into its head
Legolas [arrow] cavetroll
Ork: "OMG! PWNED!"
Gimli: "LOLOOLOL! noobs"
**The fellowship then runs through Moria, chased the whole way by a horde of orks
Boromir: "FFS! Teams, foos!"
**A flaming shadow starts to follow them, and the orks withdraw
Aragorn: "Now THIS is teh boss!"
Gandalf: "OMG!"
**The fellowship take to long flights of stairs that are starting to crumble and fall. Orks shoot at them with arrows.
Legolas: "LOL, noobs. Chex0r this out!1!"
Legolas [arrow] ork
Legolas [arrow] ork
ork: "AIMBOT!"
ork: "turn it off!"
Legolas: "lolol!"
**The fellowship crosses a bridge, Gandalf stops to confront the balrog
Gandalf: "joo shall not pass!"
Balrog: "***?"
Gandalf: "JOO SHALL NOT PASS!"
Balrog: "Sif, noob"
**Gandalf strikes the bridge with his staff, cracking it and causing it to break under the Balrog's weight
Balrog: "ZOMG! PWNED!"
Frodo: "OMG! Gandalf!"
**The Balrog falls and in a last act of defiance strikes out with its whip, entangling Gandalf
Gandalf: "D'oh"
Frodo: "OMG, joo foo!"
Gandalf: "fly u foos, fly!"
**Gandalf lets go and follows the Balrog into the crevass
Gandalf has left the server
Balrog has disconnected
[After escaping Moria the fellowship finds itself in Loth Lorien]
**The fellowship rests, and in the night Frodo speaks with Galadriel
Galadriel: "For a noob, u r teh leet!"
Frodo: "Sif. I don't want teh ringz0r. Do u want teh ringz0r?"
Galadriel: "******! SIF I want teh ringz0r. I have enough h4x of my own!1"
[The fellowship leaves Loth Lorien and sets out via river]
Saurman: "ph34r my army of uruk hai! Go outz0r, find teh hobbitz and pwnz0r them!"
uruk hai: "leet!"
[stopping at the banks of the river, the Fellowship sets up camp]
**Frodo goes off looking for firewood, Boromir follows and confronts him
Boromir: "Gimmie teh ringz0r so ur hax can fight teh boss!"
Frodo: "Sif, foo. Punkbuster will pwn joo!"
Boromir: "Naw, we play on non-pb servers"
Frodo: "STFU noob"
Frodo has left the server
Boromir: "***! FRODO! Bring teh ringz0r back, faghat!"
**A group of Uruk Hai encounter Boromir
Boromir: "OH FFS, TEAMS!!"
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Uruk Hai [arrow] Boromir
Boromir: "****ing campers"
**Aragorn comes across the battle
Aragorn: "Boromir joo noob! ***!"
Uruk Hai: "Hah, pwn!"
Aragorn [broadsword] Uruk Hai
Aragorn: "I bring joo teh pwn!"
**Aragorn goes to Boromir
Boromir: "Damn lag!"
Warning: Connection problems detected
Boromir has disconnected
Aragorn: "FFS!"
[Frodo returns to the bank of the river where he gets into a boat. Sam 'sees' him]
Sam: "Frodo! ***! Invisibility h4x!"
Frodo has connected to the server
Frodo: "Sam, STFU and FOAD!"
Sam: "Sif!"
Frodo: "Oh, ffs noob!"
End.
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[b]Deus has Spoken![/b]
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D3U5
Četrtovček
Kul meter: 23
Spol:
Sporočila: 173
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Prideta dva komarja v parlament in se dogovarjata kdo bo koga.
Prvi: Dej ti Jelinčiča, jest bom pa Janšo.
Drugi: Dej rajš ti Jelinčiča, jest vozm...
drgač mi pa tale vedno rula k ga preberm
Mladi zupnik je bil tako nervozen pred svojo prvo maso,
da ni mogel spregovoriti niti besede.
Vprasa skofa, kaj mu je storiti, le-ta pa mu pove, naj naslednjic spije
kozarec vode, v katerega naj kane dve kaplici vodke. Takoj se bo pocutil
bolj sproscenega.
Potem se je zupnik pocutil tako dobro, da ga ni moglo nic vec
vznemiriti.
Po koncani masi najde skofovo sporocilo:
Naslednjic dajte dve kaplijici vodke v vodo in ne obratno. Poleg tega je
tu nekaj napotkov, da se ne bodo ponovno pripetili izpadi:
- ni potrebno dajati rezin limone na rob keliha,
- ne naslanjajte se vec na kip device Marije, ne objemajte je,
- obstaja 10 in ne 12 zapovedi,
- obstaja 12 apostolov in ne 7 in niti eden od njih ni Palcek,
- Jezusa in njegove ucence ne nazivamo J.K. & Co.,
- David je premagal Goljata s fraco in kamnom, ni ga razbil kot kanto,
- zidov ne imenujemo ****ini sinovi,
- papeza ne smemo imenovati El Padrino,
- Bin Laden nima nobene veze z Jezusovo smrtjo,
- hostija ni prigrizek k vinu,
- gresniki gredo v pekel in ne v *BIIIP* materino,
- tisti v vogalu, zraven zbora, ki ste ga imenovali travestit v obleki,
sem bil jaz!
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[b]Deus has Spoken![/b]
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ursa
Drugarček
Kul meter: 17
Spol: 
Sporočila: 91
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pa se nakaj za racunalniske navdusence....
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